In the book of Revelation it speaks about how the Bride, the church, will be prepared to be received by her groom, Jesus. As we know, when it comes to weddings, most of it centers around the Bride. What colors will she choose, the style dress she will wear, where is she registered, is she a bundle of nerves, is she still sweet and loving or has she become Bridezilla.
When it comes to preparing us for eternity in Heaven with Jesus, those issues carry no importance whatsoever. He will not care if we provided the wedding of the century, served champagne and caviar, or how many attended. All that will matter is if we knew our future groom and if He knew us. This is the story of how my mom died. How God prepared her for her acceptance and entry into Paradise. But let me backtrack a little.
Anyone who know me can attest to the fact that mom and I did not have a cozy mother/daughter relationship. I spent the last ten years feeling resentment toward her for always needing my help. I had made the selfish decision that since I now had my own family, all my time and energy should be spent on them. I wanted nothing outside my idyllic bubble to inconvenience me. So, as soon as I would recognize her number on caller ID, I would set my tone accordingly: Oh no, not mom again. Talk about the very definition of a brat.
The last two months of my mom's life were not very good. It began when she fell out of bed and hurt her leg. When she called I sent my husband, since he was more compassionate towards my mom, over to check her out. I had just literally started a new job, so really could not take time off. Remember: I am an only child. He decided that mom needed to be taken to the emergency room to have her right leg looked at since he felt it might be broken. A few hours later, they determined it was only badly bruised and sent her home.
Over the next few days it got worse, until she could no longer put weight on it. She wanted a wheel chair, to which I responded: And you could maneuver that around your apartment.......how? Nice attitude, I know. Once again I sent my husband. He took her to a completely different ER, and they decided she had a hematoma that formed in her lower leg, and it was infected. Yes, I know feel like a heal for not checking in more often that week and believing it was getting worse.
She was admitted to the hospital and put on a course of antibiotics. There was worry because of her diabetes. She was not responding to the meds, so surgery was needed. I realized at this point we had a long road ahead of us, and when my new employer was anything but sympathetic, I quit. Mom came through surgery fine, and she was transferred to a nursing home for respite care til she could come home. However, her trigeminal neuropathy that afflicted her for the past 10 years went crazy. She could not handle anything touching her face or inside of her mouth. Not real helpful for a diabetic who needs to eat, take high blood pressure meds, and follow-up antibiotics post surgery. After about two and a half days of this the resident physician and I decided mom needing a feeding tube temporarily until the neuropathy calmed down and she could eat normally again. So it is back to the hospital.
This brings us to the final two weeks of mom's life. She was transported back on a Tuesday and set for surgery on Wednesday, however, the attending took it upon himself to refer her to a neurologist who thought he was God and would cure mom. Never mind that we had already seen many and had numerous tests done. He cancelled the surgery and put her on drugs. Here would be the issue, they were oral drugs, and remember she could not handle anything in her mouth. I was livid. I complained and he told me: people can live indefinitely on IV fluids, to which I replied, yes, and that will help her leg heal.....How? Meanwhile, she is getting weaker.
My husband was livid and took matter into his own hands and had the neurologist thrown off her case. We had the surgery for the feeding tube rescheduled. We are now in the last week of her life, except we did not know it.
That Monday while I was visiting her she aspirated a mucous plug. They called a Code Red, never good and in minutes about a dozen nurses and doctors were in her room. The ICU doctors took me aside and explained that because her inactivity the odds of a recurrence were strong and what were my wishes. Yes, that's right, here it comes, the big decision. They told me she had double pneumonia and needed antibiotics. The also asked about life support, to which I said NO. Mom had suffered so much in the past 10 years with her neuropathy, that I decided if it was God's will no doctor should take that away. She had surgery the next day to put in the feeding tube, was put on oxygen to aide in breathing and four different antibiotics to try to combat the pneumonia.
After surgery she never really gained her consciousness. Her body was not responding to the antibiotics at all. I called my mom's sister and asked her advice, because I didn't want to make it alone. We decided to stop treatment and institute comfort care only. I asked the doctors for the honest truth, and they told me it was the best it was ever gonna get.
Monday morning, November 15, I got a call from the hospital to come. They told me her blood pressure had dropped dangerously low and that it would not be long. I raced to the hospital and arrived around 8:30 a.m. I told her I was there, prayed with her and gave her permission to leave, to go be with Jesus. I read scripture to her and sang all her favorite and my favorite praise and worship and christian music. It was as much for me as it was for her.
At 9:15 a.m. the sunlight came through her window to shine at her feet. Over the next two hours it slowly moved up her body. I believe this was God. He was getting my mom ready to walk down the aisle and join with Him. He was transforming her earthly body to make it ready and acceptable. I was reading 1 John 3 which begins: See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! Then I started singing "Amazing Grace: My Chains are Gone". At the last chorus I got choked up, but kept my eyes closed and kept singing. When I finished the song, the sunlight left my mom's face, traveled to her pillow, she stopped breathing, and entered into God's glory.
I feel so blessed and honored I had those two weeks with mom. I am so grateful to God for giving me those last two hours with her. It was so beautiful to watch her no longer suffer, to be at peace, and go where she longed to be, in Heaven.
It is never to late to say you are sorry. It is never to late to ask God to soften your heart. Nothing is impossible for Him. He is bigger than everything. He is mightier than anything. He is more gracious and loving than anyone. He can melt your heart of stone, heal you, comfort you, and lead you. He will use you if you let Him. He will and can prepare you for something bigger than yourself.
I know I will see mom again one day!
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
What Drives You
It's been an interesting week, and it's only just started. So many things have come across my computer, my syllabus for school, on the radio, through my bible study, and my personal reading time. It gets very tough in day to day life to prioritize what is truly important with what we really want to do or accomplish.
On my Facebook page I subscribe to several different Christian sites. I figure, while I am looking at everyone elses news and status updates, it is good to have a reminder of what God wants me to know. So I will read a particular Bible verse, maybe make a comment and of couse hit the perverbial "like" button. I would like to say I always read and reflect on what comes on to my news feed, but many times I only take a glimpse at the words, decide if I have read them or heard them before, but only comment and remember the ones I really like. You know which ones I am talking about. Those verses that are encouraging, not necessarily convicting. Those that comfort us, not make us feel uncomfortable or would cause us to do work. It is the same with the email I get everyday from Max Lucado with a scripture verse and then his words of wisdom about what God is trying to relay through it. I really enjoy those because I often feel as if Max has a direct line of communication with God and understands what needs to be said.
But don't we all have the ability to strengthen our line of communication with God? Don't most people own at least one Bible or have a computer through which they can "google" BIBLE during the day and read a passage? We can all pray, you know we can. Many seem to reach out to God in those times of desparation or anger looking for answers, and then get upset or disillusioned when the answer doesn't come on their timeline or result in the way they envisioned. If we have not kept the line of commuication open on a daily basis, spent time in The Word, and reflected on what God wants for us and says to us, we cannot hope to hear His voice in times of trouble. A burning bush does not always ignite in our flowerbeds or backyards.
Let's move on to my school syllabus. Mind you, I have no college theology classes or Bible study classes during this session. I have a special education course and American Literature class. I am gonna focus on the American Lit. class here. We have looked at, read, and picked apart Native American prose and poetry, the early explorers and settlers, and now this week Franklin, Adams, Paine, and Jefferson.
Native American literature was interesting. Much of their history, myths, and poetry focus on what Mother Earth and nature have given them, the importance of familial loyalty, and the power of the Great Spirit. Their lives were simple, they worked hard, but always remembered what was important. The early explorers and settlers talked about their voyages, claiming land for England and Spain, the hardships of frontier life, experience with the Native Americans, and their faith in Christ. But they used this faith in Christ to justify the brutality they showed to the Native people when they tried to take their land, civilize them, and aggressively force Christianity on them. They called them "savages" because their ways were so primitive and their language so different.
Now I am reading the works of Franklin, Paine, Adams, and Jefferson; not necessarily in that order. Also not on my top ten list to reread, but gives some great insight into the early life of our country. Although these men called themselves Christians, they make no mention of Christ in their writing. See, they were influenced by the Enlightenment. Rene Descartes famous line: "I think, therefore I am" influenced and drove the Naturalist's movement. Science to explain away the what, why, and how of everything. To explain away the evidence of a divine Creator. That to more educated you are, the more intelligent, the more reason you have, so the ultimate in answers you will receive or research upon.
My question is: Does everything in life have to have a definative answer? Do we always need scientific proof of what and why and how something came to be? For me, these answers only drive my faith in God deeper and stronger. It causes awe and amazement at the wonder of how he created everything from nothing. Want to deepen your faith in God? Read any of Lee Strobel's books entitled: The Case for a Creator, The Case for Christ, The Case for Faith. Here is a man who way a proclaimed atheist, a renown journalist, who through his research and study came to faith in God and Christ by what he found. The same holds true for "Mere Christianity" by C.S. Lewis. Talk about books that will put you in awe and guide your focus to Him.
In my Bible study this week we are reading from the first and second chapter of Ezekial. We are working through a study done by Anne Graham Lotz. She has a great way of breaking down scripture passages one verse at a time. You look at the facts, decipher the lesson, what is God saying directly to you, and how you will apply it to your life. Prior to this study I would have read these first two chapters, been quite confused by all the imagery and moved on to when Ezekial started his ministry. But these verses cause you to look at the awesomeness of God and the extent He will go to in order to reach our hearts and minds. He will turn your life upside down if need be to get your attention. He took the greatest extemes to capture our hearts through The Cross, and many times the trials which we experience are the wake-up call to slow down and turn our eyes back to Him.
One of the ways I have talked about in other blogs that God uses to speak to me is through music. He knows he has my undivided attention. This morning I was listening to the inspiration behind the evangelical voice and lyrics of the late Rich Mullins. Talk about a man whose focus was on God. His is so much more than the singer of "Awesome God". He speaks to the simplicity of life, and where your focus should be: On God. One song, "My One Thing" talks about how we always say we need one thing, but that eventually lead to one more thing. He petitions God to save him from this need, because one day when the world passes away, and we can't take it with us, all we truly have is God. I really like this line "Please take them away and purify my heart, I don't want to lose the eternal for The things that are passing". That pretty much sums it all up right there. If we are truly focused on God, this should be the cry of our heart.
So the next time you ponder the events of your day or thoughts that cross your mind ask yourself this question: What drives me? To answer it honestly, make a list of what is important in your life. Don't think to hard, just start writing, and then look at the order in which you listed everything. Or think about what crosses your mind ever time you daydream. The answers might surprise you.
On my Facebook page I subscribe to several different Christian sites. I figure, while I am looking at everyone elses news and status updates, it is good to have a reminder of what God wants me to know. So I will read a particular Bible verse, maybe make a comment and of couse hit the perverbial "like" button. I would like to say I always read and reflect on what comes on to my news feed, but many times I only take a glimpse at the words, decide if I have read them or heard them before, but only comment and remember the ones I really like. You know which ones I am talking about. Those verses that are encouraging, not necessarily convicting. Those that comfort us, not make us feel uncomfortable or would cause us to do work. It is the same with the email I get everyday from Max Lucado with a scripture verse and then his words of wisdom about what God is trying to relay through it. I really enjoy those because I often feel as if Max has a direct line of communication with God and understands what needs to be said.
But don't we all have the ability to strengthen our line of communication with God? Don't most people own at least one Bible or have a computer through which they can "google" BIBLE during the day and read a passage? We can all pray, you know we can. Many seem to reach out to God in those times of desparation or anger looking for answers, and then get upset or disillusioned when the answer doesn't come on their timeline or result in the way they envisioned. If we have not kept the line of commuication open on a daily basis, spent time in The Word, and reflected on what God wants for us and says to us, we cannot hope to hear His voice in times of trouble. A burning bush does not always ignite in our flowerbeds or backyards.
Let's move on to my school syllabus. Mind you, I have no college theology classes or Bible study classes during this session. I have a special education course and American Literature class. I am gonna focus on the American Lit. class here. We have looked at, read, and picked apart Native American prose and poetry, the early explorers and settlers, and now this week Franklin, Adams, Paine, and Jefferson.
Native American literature was interesting. Much of their history, myths, and poetry focus on what Mother Earth and nature have given them, the importance of familial loyalty, and the power of the Great Spirit. Their lives were simple, they worked hard, but always remembered what was important. The early explorers and settlers talked about their voyages, claiming land for England and Spain, the hardships of frontier life, experience with the Native Americans, and their faith in Christ. But they used this faith in Christ to justify the brutality they showed to the Native people when they tried to take their land, civilize them, and aggressively force Christianity on them. They called them "savages" because their ways were so primitive and their language so different.
Now I am reading the works of Franklin, Paine, Adams, and Jefferson; not necessarily in that order. Also not on my top ten list to reread, but gives some great insight into the early life of our country. Although these men called themselves Christians, they make no mention of Christ in their writing. See, they were influenced by the Enlightenment. Rene Descartes famous line: "I think, therefore I am" influenced and drove the Naturalist's movement. Science to explain away the what, why, and how of everything. To explain away the evidence of a divine Creator. That to more educated you are, the more intelligent, the more reason you have, so the ultimate in answers you will receive or research upon.
My question is: Does everything in life have to have a definative answer? Do we always need scientific proof of what and why and how something came to be? For me, these answers only drive my faith in God deeper and stronger. It causes awe and amazement at the wonder of how he created everything from nothing. Want to deepen your faith in God? Read any of Lee Strobel's books entitled: The Case for a Creator, The Case for Christ, The Case for Faith. Here is a man who way a proclaimed atheist, a renown journalist, who through his research and study came to faith in God and Christ by what he found. The same holds true for "Mere Christianity" by C.S. Lewis. Talk about books that will put you in awe and guide your focus to Him.
In my Bible study this week we are reading from the first and second chapter of Ezekial. We are working through a study done by Anne Graham Lotz. She has a great way of breaking down scripture passages one verse at a time. You look at the facts, decipher the lesson, what is God saying directly to you, and how you will apply it to your life. Prior to this study I would have read these first two chapters, been quite confused by all the imagery and moved on to when Ezekial started his ministry. But these verses cause you to look at the awesomeness of God and the extent He will go to in order to reach our hearts and minds. He will turn your life upside down if need be to get your attention. He took the greatest extemes to capture our hearts through The Cross, and many times the trials which we experience are the wake-up call to slow down and turn our eyes back to Him.
One of the ways I have talked about in other blogs that God uses to speak to me is through music. He knows he has my undivided attention. This morning I was listening to the inspiration behind the evangelical voice and lyrics of the late Rich Mullins. Talk about a man whose focus was on God. His is so much more than the singer of "Awesome God". He speaks to the simplicity of life, and where your focus should be: On God. One song, "My One Thing" talks about how we always say we need one thing, but that eventually lead to one more thing. He petitions God to save him from this need, because one day when the world passes away, and we can't take it with us, all we truly have is God. I really like this line "Please take them away and purify my heart, I don't want to lose the eternal for The things that are passing". That pretty much sums it all up right there. If we are truly focused on God, this should be the cry of our heart.
So the next time you ponder the events of your day or thoughts that cross your mind ask yourself this question: What drives me? To answer it honestly, make a list of what is important in your life. Don't think to hard, just start writing, and then look at the order in which you listed everything. Or think about what crosses your mind ever time you daydream. The answers might surprise you.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Wake-Up
We've all overslept at one time or another, it's just a fact of life. Maybe we forgot to set or check the alarm. We hit snooze just one more time telling ourselves: "just five more minutes." We accidentally turned off the alarm instead of hitting snooze. Maybe we just said: "I'm only gonna close my eyes for fifteen minutes, and that turned out to really be one hour. We can come up with many excuses, some legitmate and some lame.
Wake-up calls can be literal or figurative. They can be an alarm clock, the courtesy call from the front desk at the hotel, someone gently shaking our shoulder, or someone yelling in our ear. They can also be a diagnosis for a disease, the family member who is in trouble, a news story, bad grade on a test, a call from a friend, that song on the radio. That still small voice in our heart or mind. They can be anything or anyone.
I have had many wake-up calls in my life. The literal oversleeping or hitting snooze too many times. People, experiences, scriptures and songs. I have wrote about some of them in prior blogs. Sometimes I was fooling myself into destructive thinking, blocking out something that comes back to haunt, trying to fool God (as if that would work) or just plain denial. We can all think of something.
My favorite one came recently. I am a control freak. I am a fixer. I want it how I want it when I want it. I want it in my time. Sometimes I can control a situation and sometimes I can't. Sometimes I can come to a conclusion and sometimes it is out of my reach. Sometimes when I pray I order God around and then get upset when it doesn't happen.
So many times we want our family and friends to be like us. If they would just do it my way, life would be so much easier. If you really think about, you know it's true. Sometimes it is subtle and sometimes we can be downright blatent. We can be arrogant thinking our way is the best way. We can be that way in our human lives and with God. Or my ultimate favorite I have tried: I'll just help God along. Let me tell you something I need to remind myself of. God does NOT need our help!
I have something I have been praying for for a long time. It is for a loved one to allow Jesus into their hearts and lives. It can be so utterly difficult to watch someone you love make the same mistakes over and over again. To see them walk down the same path, make the same harmful decisions, and continue to fill their lives with things. The Bible tells us that people and things will wither away and die and that the only lasting thing is Jesus. But when that friend who is all wrong for you encourages you to do something once, and it feels right that time so you do it again and again, and now you have this circle of friends who are all doing it and not getting in trouble so it must be OK, at some point you will get hurt. It might not be today or tomorrow, but some time in the future it will happen. People are fallable. People will turn on you, leave you, betray.
Maybe it is that thing you have always wanted, a new pair of shoes, the latest fashion, that new status car or job promotion. Shoes, clothes, and cars all wear out or change with the next season. Jobs can become more demanding of your time. You keep filling your cup with things that will run out, need to be replaced or added to to make you happy. They don't fill your cup, you have to actively keep adding them and replacing them. They keep you satisfied for a time til the next thing catches your fancy.
Only with God will any of us be complete. He constantly keeps filling our cup, to overflowing. He offers us grace, freely, and without reservation. He unbiddingly give us abundant gifts. He prepares a place for us. It is written all over Sacred Scripture. If we ask and commit our lives to Him, He will provide.
So, when I see a loved one making those mistakes and try to fix them myself, I set myself up for disappointment and failure. I can't fix that person. If I try alone it is all in vain. They are their own person with their own mind. It doesn't matter how old they are, they are still gonna make their choices; good or bad. All I can do is pray, place it in God's hands, and then not be an Indian giver and take it back. This is not easy for women. Whether we are mothers, wives, sisters, cousins, or friends the instinct to protect comes out.
A very dear friend, who is a believer, told me this. It is not a triangle between me, the person and God. It can only be me and God; that person and God. I can pray and place that person in God's care, but I cannot make them love God or accept Him. It is a personal decision.
My humanness will cause frustration and worry. That in turn will cause sleepless nights and anxiety and harm my health. Matthew 11: 28-30 says: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” It is right there in black and white to read. It is a promise from God.
God has a plan. He says that in my life verse Jeremiah 29:11. He knows it, he made it. He will not let anything go to waste. He is a gentlman and will not force himself on someone. They have to come to Him. He keeps the door open. He is ready and willing.
This person I am praying for, I will continue to do so for. I can't give up, I love them too much. They may have to hit rock bottom in whatever form that comes. I can only love them and pray. I have to be watchful for the little glimmers here and there. I have to encourage when I see those moments. I don't have to turn a blind eye to the mistakes, but I need to be loving and gentle when I admonish. Not an easy task. I have to let the Light of Christ shine through me. I will probably not be the person that brings them to Christ because we are two very different people; but I can help along the way. I received my wake-up call and I have to let them receive theirs.
Wake-up calls can be literal or figurative. They can be an alarm clock, the courtesy call from the front desk at the hotel, someone gently shaking our shoulder, or someone yelling in our ear. They can also be a diagnosis for a disease, the family member who is in trouble, a news story, bad grade on a test, a call from a friend, that song on the radio. That still small voice in our heart or mind. They can be anything or anyone.
I have had many wake-up calls in my life. The literal oversleeping or hitting snooze too many times. People, experiences, scriptures and songs. I have wrote about some of them in prior blogs. Sometimes I was fooling myself into destructive thinking, blocking out something that comes back to haunt, trying to fool God (as if that would work) or just plain denial. We can all think of something.
My favorite one came recently. I am a control freak. I am a fixer. I want it how I want it when I want it. I want it in my time. Sometimes I can control a situation and sometimes I can't. Sometimes I can come to a conclusion and sometimes it is out of my reach. Sometimes when I pray I order God around and then get upset when it doesn't happen.
So many times we want our family and friends to be like us. If they would just do it my way, life would be so much easier. If you really think about, you know it's true. Sometimes it is subtle and sometimes we can be downright blatent. We can be arrogant thinking our way is the best way. We can be that way in our human lives and with God. Or my ultimate favorite I have tried: I'll just help God along. Let me tell you something I need to remind myself of. God does NOT need our help!
I have something I have been praying for for a long time. It is for a loved one to allow Jesus into their hearts and lives. It can be so utterly difficult to watch someone you love make the same mistakes over and over again. To see them walk down the same path, make the same harmful decisions, and continue to fill their lives with things. The Bible tells us that people and things will wither away and die and that the only lasting thing is Jesus. But when that friend who is all wrong for you encourages you to do something once, and it feels right that time so you do it again and again, and now you have this circle of friends who are all doing it and not getting in trouble so it must be OK, at some point you will get hurt. It might not be today or tomorrow, but some time in the future it will happen. People are fallable. People will turn on you, leave you, betray.
Maybe it is that thing you have always wanted, a new pair of shoes, the latest fashion, that new status car or job promotion. Shoes, clothes, and cars all wear out or change with the next season. Jobs can become more demanding of your time. You keep filling your cup with things that will run out, need to be replaced or added to to make you happy. They don't fill your cup, you have to actively keep adding them and replacing them. They keep you satisfied for a time til the next thing catches your fancy.
Only with God will any of us be complete. He constantly keeps filling our cup, to overflowing. He offers us grace, freely, and without reservation. He unbiddingly give us abundant gifts. He prepares a place for us. It is written all over Sacred Scripture. If we ask and commit our lives to Him, He will provide.
So, when I see a loved one making those mistakes and try to fix them myself, I set myself up for disappointment and failure. I can't fix that person. If I try alone it is all in vain. They are their own person with their own mind. It doesn't matter how old they are, they are still gonna make their choices; good or bad. All I can do is pray, place it in God's hands, and then not be an Indian giver and take it back. This is not easy for women. Whether we are mothers, wives, sisters, cousins, or friends the instinct to protect comes out.
A very dear friend, who is a believer, told me this. It is not a triangle between me, the person and God. It can only be me and God; that person and God. I can pray and place that person in God's care, but I cannot make them love God or accept Him. It is a personal decision.
My humanness will cause frustration and worry. That in turn will cause sleepless nights and anxiety and harm my health. Matthew 11: 28-30 says: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” It is right there in black and white to read. It is a promise from God.
God has a plan. He says that in my life verse Jeremiah 29:11. He knows it, he made it. He will not let anything go to waste. He is a gentlman and will not force himself on someone. They have to come to Him. He keeps the door open. He is ready and willing.
This person I am praying for, I will continue to do so for. I can't give up, I love them too much. They may have to hit rock bottom in whatever form that comes. I can only love them and pray. I have to be watchful for the little glimmers here and there. I have to encourage when I see those moments. I don't have to turn a blind eye to the mistakes, but I need to be loving and gentle when I admonish. Not an easy task. I have to let the Light of Christ shine through me. I will probably not be the person that brings them to Christ because we are two very different people; but I can help along the way. I received my wake-up call and I have to let them receive theirs.
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